Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
