I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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