dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
