Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
