Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This baby is an asshole
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
