Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
