Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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