Having a random hookup so left but love u
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
