We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
