and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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