the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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