My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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