no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ok first of all what the fuck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
