The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
