The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm just crazy horny about you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
