yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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