We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
