I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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