I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
areolas are like halos for boobs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
