Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
