I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
