I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
