I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
