if you like me you must not know who I am
I just cut my nipple shaving
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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