I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
