Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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