Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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