the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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