I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
