why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
