I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
