i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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