I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
