She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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