Sacagawea was the original milf.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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