he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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