i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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