I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
