so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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