i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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