I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
