My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
