Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
