I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
