I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
