apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
