Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
