Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
