I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
