She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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