No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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