i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
