I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
